owning up ....

Am I the only one to admit to becoming less bold with age?  To worry a little more than I used to, to hold back a little more often?  Am I the only one to find that annoying?

Apologies if this sounds rather heavy and you're reading me first thing in the morning.....  Here,   I'll add some flowers to the post to make it look lighter!

Where was I?   oh yes ... the reason why it's so annoying  to say is because the thing I worry about is spoiling my pleasure and I can't manage to overcome it.  Now I've got you wondering, right?

 ...  pause, this is a good moment for more flowers

In the past I've worried about my children out on their own in the world, or a potential domestic accident, but at the moment I mostly worry about .... falling off my horse.

I'll just take a much bigger  pause here, because I can here you saying "what?!!  you've got to be kidding me, there's a world recession on, some of us have major issues to deal with, and this women is worried about falling off her horse, why the heck doesn't she just stay clear of the d... thing?!  

I can understand your reaction, you're certainly right and I'm probably foolish,  but I'm going for something a bit deeper here.

I'm really wondering why we can't always do what we really want to do? What is this subconscious voice that holds us back, planting irrational fears and worries instead of just saying, "go for it, enjoy, you know you love it,  whatever happens it will all work out in the end" .  And why does that same voice grow louder with age?

Wouldn't it be a lot more fun if we grew more insouciante, more carefree, as we mature?

I love to ride, and I've spent some very precious moments galloping around our valley with my girls or with friends, but recently I prefer less speed, less risk, more safety. 

I've actually fallen off horses more than once, at various speeds, in diverse situations, and never broken anything.   Once you're on the ground, you can't get any lower and the worst is over anyway.  And it's not like my present horse is a wild foamy mouthed demon,  he's  occasionally excited but generally pretty good.

So I suppose that if I'm telling you all of this relatively uninteresting information, it's because I believe I'm not alone, and I'm secretly hoping that someone out there will have discovered a way to overcome fear and worry that doesn't involve drink or drugs.

I am really looking forward to hearing your suggestions, and to prove my real will to overcome irrational fears,  I promise that if someone sends me an idea that works, I'll put up a video of me cantering through the forest!  HA!!

merci mes amis!

you're one patient bunch of bloggers!!