advice to daphne - a french dinner

My dear Daphne

Delighted to hear that you're beginning to invite the locals to dinner. Good for you old girl, nothing like grabbing the 'vache' by the horns.

You asked me about dinner étiquette, and I am very flattered that you think me so worldly wise. Here in the country of course, things can be kept fairly simple, but I should imagine that in your lah-di-da  appartment in Versailles, you're going to come across some real French bourgeois, totally 'fanatiques' about 'les bonnes manières'.

Of course you could always play 'l'eccentrique' who does her own thing, but the French will be more comfortable if you follow some of their rules too.

You should invite your guests for 8 to 8.30pm. They won't arrive until 8.45 to 9 -    whatever you do, don't tut-tut or  look surprised.

They will bring you small or not-so-small gifts, which you either open straight away, or maybe with coffee after supper.  If there are any extremely polite single men invited,  they'll have flowers delivered to your home during the afternoon , so that you have time to arrange them before everyone  arrives.

You should serve an apéritif.... Champagne always goes down well, wine is acceptable, cocktails a guaranteed success.  Little 'amuse-gueules' are an excellent idea. 'La femme française' will order these from her 'boulangerie'. If you have a good cheese pastry recipe, you could always try makng some of those.   Peanuts and crisps are better avoided, fresh ' crudités' with fat-free dips will be appreciated by the slim parisiennes always careful with their silhouette.

Sometime after 9.30 you can lead your guests to the table where they will expect to be placed, either by you or by your homme.   Separate the couples, place the most amusing ones in the centre.   A perfect hostess (ie you cherie!) will bite the bullet and place the most boring guest next to her.  By the way darling, I know you're very good at telling jokes, but please refrain. .... In France only men are meant to tell jokes at the dinner table.

Now,  you're a marvellous cook so I don't need to advise you on the menu. Don't forget though that the French take their cheese before dessert, and it's considered a huge and, to my mind ridiculous faux pas, to pass the cheese platter around more than once.   Don't ask me why – c'est comme ça!

They will expect water available on the table, with a separate glass, and a different wine for each course.

By the time they've nibbled and chatted their way through your delicous 4-courser it will be near one in the morning.  

Time to invite your guests to return to the living room where (in your spare time!) you'll have cleared away the apéritif and  rekindled the fire!


You may offer coffee, but should also have a choice of tisanes and even tea. The men will appreciate a 'digestif' , such as a cognac, and a few good chocolates won't go amiss.

Expect them to leave sometime between 1 and 2 am.  If they're gone before midnight you've done something wrong, if they're still there chez toi at 3 you're a star!!

Voila darling, wish I could be there, please let me know how it goes

ton amie
S

(Daphne is my new imaginary friend, freshly arrived in France, trying to understand not only the lingo but also the do's and dont's of polite French society.  Hope you enjoy!)

photos thank to Sia